Dating highly intelligent man
I preferred to zone out after a long workday and felt little need to interact since we shared the same roof during all of our free time.
The reality check came when my wife told me in the midst of a heart-to-heart, “We’re not friends anymore.” I realized my role would have to change if I wanted to provide my bride with the happy, fulfilled relationship we had always wanted. After years of research on highly-satisfied married couples, Gottman concluded that “happy marriages are based on deep friendship,” defined as “a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company.” Emotionally intelligent husbands not only help with household chores but also cultivate a deep and mutually-satisfying friendship with their wives.
Flowers are cliché; listening attentively and responding enthusiastically to her interests is a much more sincere and meaningful expression of romance.
I cannot overstate the impact of greater emotional intelligence on marital happiness and fulfillment.
It’s hard for a man to be excited about such things, but attentively listening to his wife’s gushing description of a new recipe can add new information to his “map of his wife’s world” (oh, I didn’t know she loved ricotta so much), nurture his admiration for her (she’s such a good cook, she takes great care of me), and communicate his love more powerfully than any bouquet of roses.In the past, my forgetfulness sometimes communicated a lack of respect and love (“If he loved and cared for me, he wouldn’t forget things that are important to me”).But when my wife knows I love, care for, and respect her – because I know she loves ricotta, because I thank her for cooking, because I respond with genuine interest when she talks about how she made dinner – then she just laughs off my forgetfulness.Whereas past husbands were the authoritative “heads” of the household, the “new” husband has learned the necessity and advantages of compromise.He follows the fourth of Gottman’s seven principles and lets his partner influence him.